of an Old Country Woman
The real-life conversations between Dee (a 71-year-old
country woman) and her 44-year-old neighbor, Vicki
A Thorn in the Side
March 20, 2013
VICKI: I’m having a pain in my side today.
DEE: Which side?
VICKI: Here, on my left side.
DEE: It might be your appendix.
VICKI: Which side is your appendix on? I always forget.
DEE: I don’t know.
VICKI: But didn’t Tony have appendicitis when he was a kid?
DEE: Yeah, but I can’t never remember if it was his right or my right or his left or my left. I could call him and ask.
VICKI: No, I’ll just look it up on the internet. (at Dee’s computer) Okay, it says here that your appendix is on your right side, in the abdominal area.
DEE: Your right or my right?
VICKI: It would be my right because it’s my body.
DEE: So, it’d be my left?
VICKI: Yes, but your appendix would be on your right, or my left.
DEE: That’s why I get so confused. Everybody has different directions. If we all had the same directions, it’d be a lot easier.
VICKI: Well, we can all have the same directions, as long as we never face each other.
DEE: Have you ever had an operation?
VICKI: I had my tonsils out when I was five.
DEE: So, nobody’s ever seen your insides?
VICKI: No, why?
DEE: Well, I figure your backwards in every other way, maybe your insides are all backwards, too, then we’d both have the same rights and the same lefts. You oughtta go get a X-ray done.
VICKI: Dee, that doesn’t make any sense at all!
DEE: Well, if you had a brain like mine, it’d make a lot of sense!
Copyright © 2013 by Vicki Robison
All rights reserved