of an Old Country Woman
The real-life conversations between Dee (a 70-year-old
country woman) and her 44-year-old neighbor, Vicki
The Girl Scout Cookie Diet
February 20, 2013
(Vicki is at Dee’s computer and Dee is watching television.)
Dee: What’s so funny?
Vicki: Do you remember me telling you about Clint — that old schoolmate of mine?
Dee: Clint… Clint… Is he the zombie lover?
Vicki: He’s the one who organizes the zombie walk benefit during the Festival of Pumpkins in October.
Dee: What about him?
Vicki: He just posted this status update: ”So, how many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?”
Dee: I don’t think anybody knows. I guess it would depend on the person.
Vicki: It was a joke, Dee.
Dee: It was a joke? It sounded like a question.
Vicki: Thin Mints are Girl Scout cookies.
Dee: Oh. I thought they were those little diet candies that ya eat before meals. I used to buy ‘em when the boys were little when I was tryin’ to lose weight.
Vicki: No, those were Ayds.
Dee: No, they weren’t! I’m not talkin’ about the disease! I’m talkin’ about diet candy!
Vicki: The name of the product was called Ayds. It’s spelled A-Y-D-S, not A-I-D-S.
Dee: No, I think they were called somethin’ else. I don’t think I would’ve bought anything named after a disease. That’d be like buyin’ Cancer cookies or Headache Pie.
Vicki: It wasn’t named after AIDS, the disease. Ayds diet candies were around for decades before the disease was discovered.
Dee: Well, it don’t matter because they didn’t even work. Tell your friend not to buy any more of ‘em. They didn’t do anything for me.
Vicki: They don’t even sell them anymore, Dee. They haven’t been available for years.
Dee: Then he sure don’t need to be eatin’ ‘em. They’re prob’ly past their due date.
Copyright © 2013 by Vicki Robison
All rights reserved